


Legally Feen

by jiminly



Category: Legally Blonde (Movies), 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Bratworth as Warner, College Student Phoenix Wright, M/M, ace attorney college years but it's legally blonde, that's it that's the whole concept
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29388264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiminly/pseuds/jiminly
Summary: “Larry,” Phoenix says with a resolute breath. “This is it. In a few hours… I’ll be the future Mr. Phoenix Edgeworth von Karma.”The literal Legally Blonde script but with Phoenix as Elle and Miles as Warner.
Relationships: Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Shiryuu Rou | Shi-Long Lang
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	Legally Feen

**Author's Note:**

> this is a silly thought i had to myself thinking of the parallels of college phoenix/elle words and bratworth/warner and i couldn't get it out of my head
> 
> thank you to [script-o-rama](http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/l/legally-blonde-script-transcript-reese.html) for putting up the entire transcript of the movie which allowed me to write this so easily!
> 
> 99% of the dialogue in this is taken directly from the movie, so if you haven't seen legally blonde yet, please please go watch it because it's such an amazing film!!

Tonight isn’t just any date. It’s _the_ date.

A night he will always remember.

A wide smile grows on Phoenix’s face as he regards himself in the mirror. He turns this way and that to examine how the blue pinstripe pants, brown suede loafers, clean white shirt and pink Ralph Lauren crewneck jumper fits over his body. This new outfit, the _perfect outfit_ , will max out his credit card but it will be worth it. Not to mention after tonight his financial worries will be a far gone, distant memory.

In the reflection, Larry appears behind him, appraising him carefully and smoothing out the expensive material on Phoenix’s shoulders.

“You were right,” Larry nods, “The pink is perfect. It really is your signature colour.”

“Larry,” Phoenix says with a resolute breath. “This is it. In a few hours… I’ll be the future Mr. Phoenix Edgeworth von Karma.”

They let out a giddy cheer in tandem, Phoenix clapping his hands together as Larry punches the air triumphantly.

Phoenix has been struggling with his hair for over half an hour when the apartment buzzer finally sounds. Heartbeat immediately jumping into his throat, he washes mousse from his hands and rushes into the hallway. Larry is there waiting and picks up the intercom phone. “He’ll be right down!”

“This is really it, Larry.”

“You ready?” Larry asks.

“I think so,” Phoenix says, voice shaking with nerves.

“Wallet, phone, keys?”

Phoenix taps the front and back of his slacks, then nods. Larry picks up a cologne and breath freshener bottle from the nearby console table and applies them to Phoenix one after the other.

He suddenly has a dreadful thought. “What if it doesn’t happen tonight?”

“What are you talking about? Edgey was at Rodeo Drive today, you know he got the rock,” Larry encourages. “You’re great together! You’re like Romeo and Juliet; Cleopatra and Mark Anthony!”

“Thanks Larry,” Phoenix calms down. “You always know the right thing to say.”

After giving Larry a big hug, Phoenix descends the stairwell and stops at the front door, taking a bracing breath before opening.

Miles unsurprisingly looks absolutely stunning, adorned in a preppy gold trimmed mahogany suit and his iconic frilly cravat. Atop his nose are large sunglasses, despite it being well past sundown. He slowly takes off the sunglasses, eyes wandering over Phoenix with a small, smug smile. “Wow, you look so beautiful.”

“So do you,” Phoenix breathes.

Miles leans down to press a sweet, firm kiss to Phoenix’s lips. “Let’s get out of here,” he murmurs, voice sultry and rich.

The restaurant is beautiful and intimate, draped in roses and fairy lights, a popular spot that celebrities often frequent. A small number of couples fill the room, with tiny tables that barely fit a full selection of magnificently plated dishes; small enough that two people can brush their knees together comfortably under the tablecloth. Phoenix takes full advantage of caressing Miles’ leg as he stares deep into his dark gaze.

“Must be strange having such perfect eyes,” Phoenix croons as a waiter pours champagne into their glasses.

“Well,” Miles chuckles, abashed. “You’re so wonderful. Phoenix, thank you.”

Phoenix retrieves his glass, holding it up. “Here’s to us.”

“To us,” Miles raises his glass slightly to toast but does not drink from it, gently placing it down on the table. His demeanour suddenly turns serious. “Phoenix.”

“Yes,” Phoenix replies earnestly, sitting up straight so he can show Miles he is fully listening to everything he has to say.

_Here we go!_

“One of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight..” Miles pauses, seeming to mull over the right words. “.. is to discuss our future.”

_This is it!!!_

“And I am fully amenable to that discussion,” Phoenix nods, leaning slightly forward.

“Good!” Miles says, looking nervous. “Uh, so, you know how we’ve been having all kinds of fun lately?”

“Mmhm.”

“Well… Ivy is going to be different. Law school is a completely different world, and I need to be serious.”

“Of course.”

“My mentor expects a lot from me.”

“Right.”

“I expect a lot from me.”

“Yes.”

“I plan on being Attorney General someday!”

“And I fully support that. You know that.”

“Absolutely!” Miles' face splits into a cautious smile before it flickers away, tension visible in his shoulders. “But, the thing is… if I’m going to be Chief Prosecutor by the time I’m thirty, I need to stop dicking around.”

Phoenix’s heart is racing, blood pumping. “Miles, I completely agree.”

“That’s why I think it’s time for us… Phoenix.” His voice softens lovingly, “Feenie..”

“I do.”

“I think we should break up,” Miles says at the same time, drowning out Phoenix’s words.

It takes a second for Phoenix to register the dead tone of Miles’ voice, another second to process the combination of words that he had said and a final second to realise what is happening. It’s like a hard, unpleasant lump falling in his stomach, making him want to throw up the tomato artichoke hors d'oeuvres they just ate.

Miles thinks they should..

They should…

“ _WHAT?_ ” Phoenix shrieks.

“I’ve been thinking,” Miles goes on calmly, “And it’s the right thing to do.”

Phoenix is panicking now. “You’re breaking up with me? I.. I thought you were _proposing_.”

“Proposing?!” Miles’ mouth falls half open and his eyes go wide. “Hah, Phoenix, if I’m going to be a prosecutor, I need to marry an attorney, not an arts major.”

“You’re breaking up with me because you think I’m some kind of… _beatnik_?!” Phoenix demands, banging his palms on the table so hard the glassware rattles loudly. The couple at the table next to them both turn to look.

Miles swallows conspicuously. “N-No.. that’s not entirely true.”

“Then, then what? My cock is too big?!”

The room tapers off into complete silence and Miles is really embarrassed now. “Phoenix, your genitals are fine,” he hisses lowly.

“So, when you said that I would always be your special someone,” Phoenix chokes back tears, “You were just.. dicking around?!”

“Phoenix, you are special. I just can’t marry you.” Miles says through a strained smile, clearly acutely aware of how the restaurant patrons are whispering. “You have no idea the pressure I’m under. Von Karma’s family has five generations of prosecutors. My step-sister is in the top three students at Bucerius Law School in Germany.” Phoenix is inconsolable now, thick globules running down his cheeks. Miles punctuates, “She’s only thirteen for gods sake!”

Phoenix covers his mouth to shriek in despair, now on the edge of full on hyperventilation. The whispering in the restaurants escalate to a dull chatter, all eyes and judgements still focused on their table.

“Bad salad,” he hears Miles say. When Phoenix continues to snivel, Miles looks at him with pity. “Darling... Feenie?”

What an insult. How dare Miles use his pet name in vain! Phoenix stops sobbing in an instant, shaking his head at Miles, then scoffing as he throws down his napkin and storms out of the restaurant.

“It’s not like I have a choice here, darling!” Miles yells after him.

Phoenix doesn’t stop walking and he doesn’t look back. He’s halfway down Melrose Avenue when he sees a red sports car crawling beside him on the road in his peripheral. As if this night couldn’t get any worse, it’s starting to spit rain.

“Let me take you home,” Miles gently pleads out the window. Phoenix refuses to humour him with a response. “Phoenix, believe me. I never expected to do this but I think it’s the right thing.”

“How can it be the right thing when we’re not together?” Phoenix sniffles.

“I have to think of my future and what my mentor expects of me.”

“So, you’re breaking up with me because you’re afraid Manfred won’t like me? I’ve never even met him, you’ve never given him the opportunity to like me.”

“The von Karma’s are different.”

“So because I’m not an attorney, suddenly I’m trash?” Phoenix stops, fully turning to face Miles in the car, who hits the breaks. “Your Dad was a defense lawyer and he adored me! Most people would agree that’s a lot better than the opinion of some stinky old prosecutor.”

Miles sighs sympathetically. “I told you. I need someone serious.”

“But I’m seriously in love with you,” Phoenix says in earnest. “Isn’t that enough?”

A long pause.

“Feenie, just get in the car.”

Phoenix sniffs and shakes his head defeatedly. “No.” He starts walking again. The rain gets a little heavier.

“You’ll ruin your new sweater.”

Phoenix stops, considering.

“Okay,” he caves.

§ § §

Phoenix was inconsolable after Miles dumped him. It wasn’t until he picked up a random magazine at his local poker meet that he had a brilliant, crazy idea. A feature profile of a handsome third year Ivy Law student named Diego Amando and it clicked for Phoenix. That was the kind of man Miles wants to marry. A law student!

Phoenix was going to get into Ivy Law no matter what it took.

Over his final term, Phoenix studied harder than he ever had in his life. He collected excellent recommendations from his professors, succeeded in getting a 179 on his LSATs and put together a heck of an admissions essay with Larry.

With preparation, determination and focus on his goal, Phoenix was accepted into Ivy Law School and prepped to start his first term after the Summer was over.

Today is his first day. A breathless anxiousness of excitement bubbles in his stomach as he slides into a multi-colored argyle cardigan and puts on a pair of studious glasses. “I totally look the part,” he says to himself encouragingly.

Phoenix rounds a corner on the way to his first class when he spots Miles at the student notice board, tearing off a tab of paper and placing it into his planner. Phoenix breathes deeply, then walks forward with casual confidence, aiming to brush past his former beau without seeming to notice him. Just as he’s about to clear him, Miles double takes before turning to reach out.

“Phoenix?!”

Phoenix spins around in faux surprise. “Miles?! I totally forgot you go here!”

“What are you talking about?” Miles’ face scrunches up in confusion. “I-I’m sorry, are you here to see me?”

“No, silly!” Phoenix bats his arm playfully. “I go here.”

“You go.. where?”

“Ivy! Law school.”

Miles blinks. “You.. got into Ivy Law?”

“What, like it’s hard?” Phoenix shrugs lightly. He quickly continues feverishly, “Oh my gosh, Miles, it’s going to be so great. I’m planning a poker night, you have to help me. I can’t decide whether preppy law people would prefer to play for actual money or do, like, strip poker. This will be just like senior year except for funner!”

Miles’ mouth hangs open in stunned speechlessness.

Phoenix checks his watch with a small gasp. “Oh! Time to go, I have to go to class but meet me after on the benches in the courtyard? Alright bye!!”

Phoenix’s class is an absolute disaster. First of all he’s the only one who doesn’t have a fancypants laptop, and secondly he didn’t get the memo about the recommended reading for subject matter jurisdiction and gets grilled by the ecclesiastical but sharp-tongued professor for it. Worst of all, some awful classmate threw him under the bus, causing Phoenix to get kicked out of the class!

He storms out to the courtyard and plonks himself down on one of the benches, crossing his arms and exhaling angrily.

“Excuse me. Are you okay?”

Phoenix looks over his shoulder to the adjacent bench. A pretty woman with long brunette hair and a strange looking pendant on her neck is leaning towards him with a compassionate, concerned smile. He asks, “Do they put you on the spot like that all the time?”

“The professors?” her eyebrows raise, “They tend to do that. Socratic method.”

“And if you don't know the answers, they just kick you out?”

“You have Nahyuta, huh?”

“Yes,” Phoenix breaths eagerly. “Did he do that to you too?”

“No, but he did make me cry once. Not in class, I waited till I got back to my room,” she smiles with kind eyes. “But yeah he’ll kick you in the proverbial balls. Or, literal, if that’s what you-.. Anyway, he’s really tough.”

Phoenix sits back onto the bench dejectedly. “Great.”

“Don’t worry, it will get better. Who else do you have?”

“I have Grossberg, Payne and Blackquill.”

“Let’s see.. speak up in Grossberg’s class. He likes people who are opinionated.”

“Right,” Phoenix nods with rapt attention.

“And in Payne’s class.. try to get a seat at the back, his toupee tends to fly off when he talks about products liability,” she offers him a grin which he can’t help but mirror. “And for Blackquill, make sure you read the footnotes. That’s where he gets a lot of his exam questions.”

Phoenix is floored by her generosity. “Wow.. I’m really glad I met you. Are you a third year?”

“Well-”

“Hi Phoenix,” A deep voice interrupts them. Phoenix’s attention snaps up to see Miles standing there awkwardly.

“Oh, hi!” he says to Miles before turning back to the woman, “Thanks for all your help.”

“Good luck,” she says with an amused smile.

Phoenix collects up his book bag and slings it over his shoulder, then stands up to beam happily at Miles. “Hey.”

“So…” Miles murmurs, “How was your first class?”

“It was good,” Phoenix starts before pinching his mouth to the side. “Except for a horrible guy with this stupid haircut who made me look bad in front of the professor. But it’s no biggie, you’re here now.” He lightly touches Miles’ forearm. “How was your summer?”

“Good, it was.. good.”

“Did you do anything exciting?”

Miles doesn’t have a chance to respond as the same guy who got Phoenix kicked out of class appears next to Miles, draping over him smugly.

“Oh, uh, Phoenix have you met Shi-Long?” Miles mentions.

“Hi, Shi-Long Lang,” the guy introduces himself, holding his hand out to shake.

Phoenix looks at the outstretched hand, then back to Miles. “Do you know him?”

“He’s-” Miles starts.

“I’m his fiancé,” Shi-Long cuts in to explain with a pleased smile, deliberately angling his hand over Miles shoulder to show off a jaw-droppingly gargantuan diamond ring. 

Phoenix feels himself being sucked into a deep, dark swirling vortex of misery. He reasons with himself that he must be in some kind of horrible nightmare right now. He clears his throat, attempting to choke down a terrible anxiety raking up his chest.

He realises it’s been a long moment of silence so he says, “I'm sorry. I just hallucinated. What?”

Miles shifts uncomfortably. “Shi was my boyfriend in high school when I was on exchange in Zheng Fa, and, well, we got back together this summer at Franziska’s grandmother’s birthday party…”

“Miles told me all about you,” Shi-Long says primly, “You’re famous at our club! But he didn’t tell me you’d be here.”

“Feenie,” Miles murmurs, not quite directed at Phoenix, “I didn’t know he would be here.”

Phoenix is definitely going to start crying. “Excuse me,” he smiles blankly, turning on his heel and walking in any other direction very, very quickly.

§ § §

The weeks pass, and things don’t improve for Phoenix. He struggles through classes, the workload is overwhelming and his peers continue to treat him rudely and with unfair disrespect. A glimmer of hope forms when he overhears chatter of a party while he’s reading in his dorm and nabs himself an invite.

It’s a dress up, they said, and Phoenix _loves_ dress up parties.

That Saturday he calls a taxi to a large, fancy student house on the edge of campus. Once inside he takes off his coat, revealing a skimpy male stripper costume. Lately, he’s been relieving stress and lack of social mixers by hitting the gym and figures this party would be the most opportune time to show off his blossoming abs.

Except his heart drops when he sees that no one else is wearing a costume and with resigned understanding realises he’s been set up.

Figuring confidence is power, he hangs up his coat in the hallway and immediately scans the living room for Shi-Long. He’s sitting and drinking on a sofa with his best friend, Calisto Yew, a soft-spoken, practically emotionless, woman Phoenix has never spoken to before.

Calisto sees Phoenix first, spit-taking her drink forward in a fine mist. The outburst catches the attention of Shi-Long, who looks around and chokes.

“Oh my god!”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Phoenix spits out with a fake smile, “This party is super fun.”

“Nice outfit,” Shi-Long snorts.

“Thanks, I like your outfit, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch I try not to look so constipated,” Phoenix fixes them with a freezing cold look before heading in the direction of the nearest drinks bar.

He turns down a red cup of keg beer and instead pours himself an extra strong vodka soda. Searching for hopefully one of the students he met during o-week, he heads into another room with a large billiard table in the middle. No one is playing, but Miles is there, leaning on the narrow edge, listening to one of their peers give an impassioned discussion about oppressive etymologies.

Relieved, Phoenix walks up to them standing in Miles’ blind spot and waiting patiently for a break in conversation. “Excuse me,” he says once there is and Miles turns to see who it is. “Hey!”

“Wow! Don’t you look like a walking felony,” Miles comments.

“Thank you. You're so sweet,” Phoenix chuckles as their classmate rolls their eyes and walks off with disinterest. Once they’re gone, Phoenix asks, “Are you having fun?”

“I am now,” Miles says, clearly tipsy with his cheeks tinged red. “What's with the costume?”

“Oh, I just decided to dress up.”

“Really,” Miles says flatly, reaching out a friendly hand to touch Phoenix’s hipbone.

Phoenix’s skin tingles at the skinship. “I feel like we barely get to see each other since we've been here.”

“I know. I'm so busy with these case studies and hypos.”

“I know what you mean,” Phoenix rolls his eyes in shared comradery. “I can't imagine doing all this _and_ Blackquill's internship next year. That's gonna be so much.”

Miles gives him a patronising look. “Phoenix, come on, you'll never get the grades to qualify for one of those spots.” He looks vaguely confused when Phoenix looks at him strangely. “You're not smart enough, darling.”

“Wait,” Phoenix takes a defensive step back. “Am I sniffing glue or did we not get into the same law school?”

“Yeah, but-”

“But what? We took the same LSATs and we're taking the same classes.”

“I know, but.. come on, Phoenix, be serious. You could be doing something more valuable with your time.”

Phoenix feels inextricably betrayed, and something finally clicks inside of him.

“I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?” Phoenix asks.

Miles’ face seems to search for an answer, but he chooses to remain silent, eyes round and fixed on him. Phoenix understands, giving a small nod of realisation and turns to walk away.

“Oh, come on,” Miles calls after him.

“Just forget it!” Phoenix yells back. He walks with emphatic purpose back towards the entrance of the house, throwing his drink roughly into the first trash bag he sees. Motivation fuelled by spite rises up within him like a violent tide, desperate to prove everyone, _everyone_ wrong.

“I'll show you how serious Phoenix Wright can be!”

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovelyturnabout) usually spam retweeting yummy narumitsu content 😂


End file.
